How you see and interpret a situation directly affects how you feel about it, and this is a choice.
As humans, we tend to focus on negative aspects rather than positive ones. This is called the negativity bias. It is evolutionarily programmed into us because it helped us survive by being more attuned to threats.
Negativity bias is one of the reasons why parents tend to react instinctively with fear or suspicion of their children’s tech use. While this is completely understandable considering how we are hardwired, we can be far more effective training ourselves to reframe and focus on the opportunities rather than the threats.
Things like quality tech use versus quantity. Collaboration versus control. Harmful material and bullying versus educational material and belonging. Reframing doesn’t mean ignoring potential dangers and wearing rose colored glasses. It doesn’t mean negating that negativity exists. It just means working to see the positive details that always exist and being aware of our language.
When you actively change how you see your child’s technology use, it will completely change how you react to it.
When you actively change how you see your child’s technology use, it will completely change how you react to it. When you talk about how to handle situations online with the cards, it will help you feel less uncertain and more relaxed, but this takes work. You have to prepare yourselves for the cards and not get focussed on fear or control.
The digital landscape is scary and full of risks, but it’s also full of potential and empowerment with knowledge.
Tips to reframe your digital approach.
Don’t say “no” say “know”
The more you know about your child’s online world, the easier it is to have an open line of communication. That means doing some research and being genuinely interested rather than shutting it down or ignoring it. Thus, when you feel the tendency to say “no”, stop yourself, be curious and say “know” and seek to understand instead.
Connect don’t correct
Remember that our kids use social media for the same things that we do; to look for information, play games, do work, read the news, relax and be in contact with friends. Start there as a way to reframe how you approach digital use. When you start with ways to connect with your child about their online lives that you relate to, you will relate better.
Practice acknowledging your child’s fascination with technology and the many positive aspects and possibilities
Practice reframing
Look for ways to focus on positive uses of social media. Practice acknowledging your child’s fascination with technology and the many positive aspects and possibilities. Maybe they can make a youtube channel of a passion project - like a new pet or a hobby. Encourage them in being creative, an activist or learning something new.
Think quality versus quantity
Don’t exclusively think of screen time as quantity, but of quality. Quality you can’t measure. If they are doing something very creative or educational, for example, this is something to be happy about. Gauge quality not quantity and praise for healthy tech use.
Pay attention to negativity
Try to see how often you are using negativity to view a digital situation (this is very natural for many parents). See if you can find a more positive way to approach conversations without negativity or suspicion. Prepare yourself with this chart so you already have some positive input.
