Social media is playing a central role in many children's relationships today.

But besides being a meeting place and home to many of their conversations and interactions, it also serves as a window into the private lives of friends and idols. And not to mention, endless entertainment opportunities. 

No wonder that many kids struggle to disconnect from social media once they have an account. 

It has become an online space where kids today spend much of their time, scrolling, posting, chatting, and consuming endless streams of content. 

Behind every video, photo, or notification lies a system carefully designed to capture attention and shape the user’s behavior. We don’t see a random stream of content uploaded from our online connections. 

Social media and algorithms go hand in hand. The algorithms behind the platforms decide exactly what we see, making sure we are only shown what we are most likely to be interested in, and more importantly, what we have a hard time resisting and turning off.

A big part of social media is the influencers, often posing as virtual friendships, blurring the lines between entertainment, role models, and advertising.

However, their content sometimes has a negative impact on children's self-esteem and can be as influential as the impact of real-life friendships at school.

For parents, this world can feel overwhelming, especially when we see how it consumes our children's attention and influences their choices. How do parents guide their child when the digital connections have such a strong pull and the landscape keeps changing?

This guide breaks down the hidden mechanics of social media and offers practical strategies to empower parents to raise digitally smart and healthy kids. Children who can navigate online spaces with awareness, critical thinking, and balance stand stronger and safer in the digital world. 

Introduction

Social media is a powerful influence in children’s digital lives today. While social media platforms, like TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, and Snapchat, can offer friendships, connections, creativity, learning, and community, these spaces are not just social places to connect with friends or get relevant updates from your communities or news channels.

They are ultimately designed with one main goal in mind: keeping users engaged for as long as possible to collect data about their preferences and behavior, and show them relevant advertising.

For children and teens, who are still developing self-control, critical thinking, and emotional regulation, this design makes them sensitive to the design and attention-grabbing features of social media.

Additionally, their sensitivity to attention and recognition from peers makes these platforms especially compelling for the young mind. 

Understanding how these systems work and the influence they have on the teen's life and brain is the first step for parents to guide their children in exploring social media safely. 

Why parents need to understand social media and algorithms

When our kids are active on social media, it places new demands on us as parents.

It’s not just about setting screen time limits. It is just as much about knowing what happens on their screen and how it influences and affects them. However, many parents struggle with learning how to understand social media algorithms.

Besides being exposed to large amounts of advertisements and glamorous images, the content can also turn dark and harmful, with negative effects on mental health. Some trends and challenges can encourage dangerous play and unhealthy cultures and communities. 

Additionally, due to an already complex teen social life being lived through these apps, there will often be conflicts, bullying, and other friendship or communication issues that parents need to be aware of as well.

Just as we teach children to be careful crossing the street, we must also teach them how to move safely and wisely through their online environments.

When parents understand these mechanisms and the many aspects of a teen’s life on social media, it is easier to understand their child’s perspective. This helps greatly in talking with your child about online life and having meaningful, constructive conversations. 

How algorithms shape children’s online experiences

Algorithms are the invisible engines behind every social media platform. They track likes, searches, watch time, and interactions to predict what content will keep users engaged. They know us sometimes better than we do ourselves. 

They know how to successfully challenge our self-discipline, to make it impossible for us to put the phone down or stop scrolling.

Our feeds are carefully tailored to each individual to be impossible for us to resist, by triggering just the right emotions that keep us scrolling.

This means that the more time a child spends online, the more specific and intense the content becomes, making it more emotionally stimulating. To retain the attention, the content often has to increase in intensity to keep the user engaged. This is why you will notice that when you scroll long enough, the content will become more disturbing over time. 

It can start positively, like discovering new hobbies, being updated on friends’ activities, or watching cute videos. However, negative emotions like sadness, fear, and disgust create a stronger reaction, so eventually there will be content fishing for this reaction. 

This can be disturbing images, videos with harmful trends or challenges, or emotionally heavy videos of someone sharing a sad story or experience.

Algorithms don’t have children’s well-being in mind. They prioritize attention and retention, and keeping users engaged. If a video or post performs well, it is being favored in the viral loop.

Social media design: Built to capture kids’ attention

Social media platforms are not simply tools for social interaction. They are highly engineered environments designed to keep people engaged and scrolling the content, as well as contributing by liking, commenting, and sharing. 

The benefits for platforms of keeping users engaged lie in the audience they become for advertisements, as well as the consumer data that is collected and used for further marketing purposes. This makes social media users a very profitable asset. 

Children’s brains are still developing, and so is their impulse control, self-regulation, and critical thinking. This makes these designs especially effective on young minds. 

What may feel like harmless fun, checking notifications, keeping up a streak, or watching “just one more” video, is often the result of carefully crafted design choices, working to keep the audience engaged with the purpose of ad exposure and data collection.

Understanding how these systems work is the first step in helping children resist being trapped by them and encouraging them to be critical of the content they are consuming.

Algorithms and gamification features designed to retain attention

Every post, video, and suggestion that shows up in your child’s feed is there for a reason. Algorithms analyze what users watch, click, and like to predict how to retain attention. If your child watches a funny video once, their feed may soon be filled with similar ones. 

If they linger on a beauty tutorial, they may be shown dozens more. The more time spent engaging, the more refined the algorithm becomes, and the harder it is to stop.

Many platforms use gaming-like features, also known as ‘gamification,’ to hook users. These can be ‘likes’, hearts, badges, and follower counts, or giving a kind of ‘score’ to give children a sense of achievement and reward. 

The feeling of reward can also be triggered by notification sounds and other features, like pulling down the feed like a slot machine to refresh. These digital “points” and stimulating features may seem harmless, but can spark competition, comparison, and addictive behaviors.

Notifications and time-sensitive triggers (e.g., Snapchat streaks)

The notification symbols and sounds are powerful tools for capturing attention. We are constantly reminded of what we’re “missing out on”: a ‘like’ or validation, a message or comment from a friend, or a reminder of a streak that's about to expire.

Snapchat’s streaks, which count the number of days two friends have been messaging each other without breaks, are an example of time-sensitive features created to keep users committed to using the app at least once a day, thereby increasing their score.

Brain chemistry, dopamine, and the “hooked” effect

Why do these features work so well? The reason is that they tap directly into our brain chemistry. Each like, notification, or funny video provides a small hit of dopamine, the neurotransmitter linked to pleasure, motivation, and reward…and addiction.

The unpredictability of these rewards makes the addictive effect even stronger. Psychologists call this a “variable reward system,” the same principle used in slot machines to encourage people to try just one more time.

In the case of notifications and logging into social media, they create an anticipation of a pleasurable outcome, like checking how many ‘likes’ or comments a post received, if there is a new message, or an exciting update in the lives of friends or idols. Disappointing outcomes only make the anticipation for the next check-in grow even stronger. 

For teens, especially, whose brains and minds are sensitive to attention and acknowledgement from peers, the experience of reward after a like or a new follower can be felt strongly.

The combination of immature impulse control and self-regulation creates a powerful “hooked” effect on young users.

Scrolling can quickly shift from entertainment to habit, and from habit to dependency to getting the daily dopamine fix. Kids may struggle to put down their phones not because they simply lack willpower or protest against rules, but because the apps are designed to make stopping feel uncomfortable.

A way to make it easier to put down the phone, or go longer without checking for notifications out of habit, is to lower the pull effect and addictive features of the screen. Many people succeed in cutting down on screen time and scrolling by minimizing the attention-grabbing features on their phones.

Tips to reduce screen time and scrolling by making the screen less appealing:

• Turn off colors, setting the screen to black and white.

• Turn off notifications and sounds, so as not to distract and grab attention in moments away from the phone.

• Put the phone in another room, making it more difficult to reach for it out of habit.

• Turn off the option to view the number of likes or comments on a post to avoid being triggered by high numbers and keeping score.

• Consider whether social media apps that are only meant for entertainment and not for daily communication should be on the phone or can be managed from a computer instead.

Algorithms and content: What children see online

The content children see on social media is rarely random. It is either based on what you have previously shown a preference for or what your friends or someone with similar demographic and behavioral data enjoys watching.

Ultimately, behind every feed is a sophisticated algorithm designed to predict what will keep the specific user engaged as long and frequently as possible. For kids, this can mean a mix of fun, creative, and positive posts related to their interests, hobbies, or popular trends. 

Often, this content is light and fun, but it can also be harmful, manipulative, or extreme, and not suitable for children at all. Parental controls and the platform’s monitoring initiatives don't always catch harmful content in time. At other times, the platform might not agree on what constitutes harmful content. 

Emotionally triggering news feeds

There are no specific emotional trigger words to avoid, except the obvious ones directly describing harmful topics. Experiments show that just about any hashtag or topic can turn heavy or dark after a while. 

Looking for posts on mental health or exercise can lead to a stream of content on self-harm or eating disorders, or video diaries of teens sharing traumatic experiences and emotional pain.

However, phrases like “shocking,” “you won’t believe,” “must-see,” or “worst ever” can serve as clickbait and are designed to lead the attention towards a post. 

Algorithms prioritize highly stimulating content, which is any content that sparks strong emotions, because then people are more likely to engage out of joy, provocation, anger, sadness, etc. 

The intense emotional and highly stimulating experience on the brain is also part of the reason why people will keep coming back for more and seek out this kind of content. However, like with anything else we get used to, over time, we need higher intensity to feel the same stimulating effect. 

This skews the experience toward more extremes and intensity instead of balance, because anything else would simply be too boring in the long run and not as engaging. 

While this may seem harmless at first, constant exposure to emotionally charged headlines and content can be overwhelming for children who don’t have time to process the intense and emotionally heavy stream of content they are exposed to when scrolling. 

This leaves them with a risk of experiencing increased anxiety, anger, sadness, or fear as a result.

Inappropriate, violent, or sexual content

Even when using parental controls and app regulations, inappropriate content can slip through. Algorithms don’t make moral judgments; they simply promote what sparks engagement. 

That means violent clips, risky stunts, or sexualized posts can end up in a child’s feed if similar content is trending. 

It is also seen that other users intending to harm disguise harmful content as child-friendly, for example, by showing short, disturbing clips hidden in a peaceful video, or by narrating adult content over a seemingly harmless children's cartoon.

For younger kids, this exposure can be confusing, frightening, or even normalize harmful and disturbing behavior.

Platforms often try to monitor and regulate content; however, it can be impossible to keep up, even with AI tools, when millions of posts are being shared and uploaded every hour worldwide. In the case of live streaming, it is impossible to know what is being broadcast until it’s too late.

Platforms may remove the most extreme material after several reports by other users, but by then, children may already have been exposed. 

Parents should be aware that kids don’t necessarily seek out inappropriate content, but it simply appears in their feed when they scroll long enough.

The “dark scroll”: why content gets more extreme the longer kids scroll

One of the most concerning effects of algorithm-driven feeds is what researchers call the “dark scroll.” The longer someone spends on a platform, the more the algorithm refines what it shows, often by pushing increasingly extreme content within the same overall topic. 

Experiments show that just within scrolling for 30 minutes, content starts to take a negative turn, so limiting the time scrolling random content can be wise. 

For example, a child interested in fitness videos may eventually be shown unhealthy diet hacks, extreme exercise challenges, or body-shaming content. A curiosity about pranks might lead to more dangerous stunts. 

This gradual shift can happen without children even realizing it, nudging them into communities or beliefs they might never have actively chosen.

Photoshopped pictures, filters, and body image pressure

Beyond the posts themselves, both algorithms and users reward visually striking images. We tend to be attracted to aesthetically pleasing images, often those that are edited, filtered, or heavily curated. 

This means that these unrealistic images and fantasies are favored in the newsfeed. For kids and teens, constant exposure to flawless skin, perfect bodies, and idealized lifestyles can create unrealistic expectations for themselves.

Filters and photo-editing tools normalize perfection, making natural appearances feel “less than.” The same is seen with popular makeup tutorial videos, making it seem crucial to hide any minor imperfections behind layers of makeup and sculpt the face to create specific features.

It’s important to remind children that much of what they see online is staged or altered, and not to buy into the false idea of feeling pressure, stress, and shame in relation to a natural appearance and a realistic life. 

Advertisements and influencers: Hidden persuasion online

Advertising is nothing new, but the way children encounter it on social media is. It’s unlike anything we’ve seen in previous generations. Instead of being limited to clearly marked commercials between TV shows, kids now scroll through feeds where ads and entertainment are mixed. Influencers, memes, and even games are part of a complex web of marketing designed to influence what we want, buy, and believe.

Massive exposure to commercials and hidden ads

Social media platforms rely on advertising revenue. Every scroll, tap, and pause describes what interests a user, and ads are then personalized to ignite interest in a product.

Unlike traditional commercials, many social media ads are disguised as regular content. This can be sponsored posts by an influencer, such as “unboxing” videos or product placements in a skit. 

This can be difficult for kids to identify as advertising and notice that they are being influenced to like a specific product. Children, who often use devices daily, are therefore exposed to thousands of influential and commercial content each week.

Influential content and manipulation of young audiences

Influencers play a major role in how ads reach children. Their success depends on engagement, so their content is often designed to be persuasive and not neutral.

Because influencers often build communities around shared interests like gaming, sports, fashion, or humor, their followers see them as relatable role models. 

When they promote a product, it feels less like an ad and more like advice from a trusted friend.

This trust makes young audiences especially vulnerable. Influential content can make a child want to copy the skincare routine of their idol or buy a product that “everyone” seems to use. 

Today, we see a new generation of young children as young as 6 or 7 years old who are interested in skincare, referred to as “Sephora kids.”

Influenced by social media, they follow skincare routines and spend a lot of money on skincare products recommended to them.

Others might blindly trust what they see on the screen and attempt to imitate a viral challenge without questioning the risks. 

It can be difficult for children to understand that these thoughts, ideas, and desires didn’t come from themselves but were planted in them by advertisements.

Having discussions and open reflections can help children notice how this influential content actually works. 

Parenting strategies for teaching kids to recognize influencer marketing

Parents play a critical role in helping children understand and question the influencer marketing strategy. Here are some practical and effective parenting strategies:

• Watch together: If your child follows influencers, spend time watching their content together. Ask questions like, “Do you think they really use that product every day?” or “Why do you think the company chose this influencer?”

• Explain how influencers earn money: Break down how influencers get paid through sponsorships, ads, or affiliate links. They rely on being paid to advertise products to make a living. 

• Highlight hidden advertising: Teach kids to spot clues, like product placement, repetitive mentions, or discount codes. Help them see that these are signs of marketing. Some influencers, especially on YouTube, might not directly advertise products, but instead make money from the commercial breaks in their videos.

• Discuss how ads affect feelings: Encourage your child to notice if a video makes them feel like they “need” something right away or if they think a product will make them feel a certain way. Point out that this reaction is often the goal of advertising.

• Set boundaries together: Agree on which influencers or types of content are positive and which feel manipulative. Encourage your child to unfollow anyone who consistently makes them feel bad about themselves or makes them feel like they need to buy something.

Echo chambers and misinformation

Many people use social media to stay informed and up-to-date on news, especially young people. When Platforms show content that aligns with someone's interests and beliefs, people see more of what they already like and already are watching. Over time, this creates what is called “echo chambers,”. 

What are echo chambers?

What we call echo chambers in social media is when people mostly see information that confirms what they already believe. They are not presented with different perspectives and a variety of opinions reflecting what is really out there in the news stream.

The effect of the social media algorithms and echo chambers that follow can make minorities and radical opinions seem more widespread and dominating than they are when they flood someone's newsfeed.

For children, whose critical thinking skills are still developing, this can lead to confusion, misinformation, or even harmful, radical worldviews.

How fake news spreads on social media

Fake news thrives online because social media rewards content that sparks attention, not factual presentations and truth. Posts that are shocking, emotional, or controversial are more likely to be shared, liked, or commented on and consequently perform well and be favored in the news feed by the algorithms.

Unfortunately, this is how fake news spreads on social media and false information gains popularity and spreads faster than the truth.

A dramatic headline or a convincing person dressed like a professional can quickly shape someone’s beliefs or perception of events. 

Since many kids don’t check traditional news sources, misinformation on social media can become their primary understanding of what’s happening in the world.

Radicalization and exposure to extreme ideas

Radicalization definition describes radicalization as the process by which someone adopts extreme beliefs that can lead to intolerance, hate, or even violence. 

While radicalization has always existed, social media accelerates it by offering endless content streams, communities, and influencers who can normalize extreme views very convincingly.

Social media radicalization is especially dangerous because it can happen in private, where there isn’t anyone to challenge the extreme views. A child can be influenced by radical opinions flooding their social media newsfeed, explaining them convincingly, leaving no room for contradicting perspectives. 

Extreme beliefs may seem more popular and mainstream because prevalence is blown out of proportion in the newsfeed.

Radical viewpoints or conspiracy theories can be presented as truths that have been hidden from the public, only to be revealed on social media by ‘experts’ while mainstream science or news media are presented as enemies trying to cover it up. 

What does radicalization mean for children? Parents may not notice what their child is being exposed to, and the child may feel reluctant to share if they feel that someone might not understand. 

The radical and extreme viewpoints are often ‘taught’ in short social media clips with catchy punch lines and no room for debate or reflection. This leaves followers ill-equipped to reason or discuss their viewpoints or handle disagreement.

This further encourages them to stick to the group that understands them and doesn't challenge their belief. This way, young people can quickly become isolated from real-world influences and pulled deeper into harmful ideologies.

The radicalization process often begins subtly. A child might click on a video out of curiosity, for example, a controversial joke or a “hot take” about current events. Algorithms then suggest more extreme content along the same lines. 

Over time, the child becomes desensitized and may join online groups or communities that reinforce these ideas, providing a sense of belonging and purpose. This makes the extreme views feel normal and even socially rewarding.

Parenting tips for building kids’ critical thinking and fact-checking skills

The exposure to fake news and manipulative content is the reason why critical thinking is important.

Critical thinking teaches kids to pause, question, and analyze information instead of accepting it at face value. It builds resilience against manipulation and helps them make informed choices online and offline and be open to reflection, disagreement, and different perspectives. 

How to improve critical thinking and fact-checking skills:

Encourage your child to ask, “Who made this? Why did they post it? What do they want me to believe or do?” Discuss how content can be designed to trigger emotions and seem convincing, to go viral.

We can show children how to cross-check information by using multiple sources, including reliable news outlets. Teach them how to use fact-checking websites and explain why professional journalism standards matter.

Bullying and harassment on social media

While social media allows children to connect with friends and communities, it also creates new ways for bullying and harassment to occur. Unlike playground teasing or in-person conflicts, online harassment can follow children into their homes, happening day and night through phones, tablets, and computers. The permanence, visibility, and occasionally anonymity of online interactions can make these experiences especially painful and difficult to escape.

Harassment in comments, messages, and groups

On social platforms, harassment often takes the form of mean or hurtful comments, offensive messages, or public shaming in groups. Because children and teens value peer approval, negative comments can deeply impact their self-esteem. 

Often, it is much easier to be mean when hiding behind a screen than it is face-to-face, where harmful comments don’t have the same consequences. 

When bullying happens to someone in person, it is also easier to physically walk away, while online harassment lingers and can pop up on the screen at any time. 

Screenshots, shared posts, and reposted comments can extend the life of harmful messages, leaving victims feeling trapped and humiliated.

Group chats or online communities can also become places where kids are singled out and mocked using comments or shared images or posts, or simply by being excluded.

Children may be deliberately left out of group chats, unfriended, or ignored in conversations or by invitations, while events they are not invited to are documented with images online, and they are left out of posts where everyone else is tagged, making the exclusion more visible.

For children, especially teens, being excluded online can feel like being cut off from their social world. Because much of their peer interaction happens on digital platforms, exclusion can foster feelings of loneliness, rejection, and low self-worth.

Fake profiles, trolling, and harmful communities

Bullying can also take more deceptive or anonymous forms. Fake profiles may be created to impersonate or mock a child, spreading rumors or sharing embarrassing content. 

‘Trolls’, users who deliberately provoke or upset others, often people they don’t even know, can target children with offensive comments or repeated harassment.

In some cases, children may stumble into harmful online communities that encourage bullying, harassment, or even dangerous behaviors. These spaces often reward cruelty with attention and engagement, making them especially toxic.

Parenting tips for recognizing and addressing cyberbullying

Addressing cyberbullying is not always straightforward. Children may be embarrassed, fear losing device privileges, or worry that telling a parent will make things worse. That’s why building trust and open communication is essential when talking about cyberbullying with your child.

What are the challenges to addressing cyberbullying?

• Secrecy and shame: Kids may hide bullying experiences because they feel ashamed or believe they did something to deserve it.

• Fear of losing access: Children often worry that their parents will take away their phone or social media if they admit being bullied.

• Hidden nature: Unlike in-person bullying, parents may not notice online harassment unless their child speaks up or shows visible changes in behavior.

• Anonymous bullies: Bullies can attack from anonymous profiles or even be people the victim doesn’t know. This can make it difficult to confront the bully to solve the problem. 

Importance of addressing cyberbullying
Cyberbullying can have serious consequences for children’s emotional and mental health, including anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and in severe cases, self-harm. Ignoring bullying doesn’t make it go away. In fact, online harassment often escalates if left unchecked.

Parents must take their children seriously when complaining about bullying and make an effort to understand the problem. This is the first step in helping your child solve issues with cyberbullying. 

When taking cyberbullying seriously and listening to their child, parents not only protect their child’s well-being but also send the message that no one deserves to be mistreated online or offline. Bullying is the children’s problem, but it is the responsibility of the adults to solve it.

Social media culture and trends

Social media culture refers to the norms, values, behaviors, and trends that develop within digital communities. The viral content being shared makes sure that the same group of people are often exposed to the same content, creating communities with their own trends and cultures. 

The social media culture's impact on children can be powerful. On the positive side, it offers creativity, friendship, and access to supportive communities. On the negative side, it can promote unrealistic standards, false beliefs, risky behaviors, and toxic competition. 

It shapes how children communicate, what they find entertaining, and even how they see themselves and others. 

Dangerous pranks and viral challenges

One striking feature of some social media culture is the rise of viral pranks and challenges. While some are harmless and fun, like dance challenges, others can be dangerous or even life-threatening. Examples include riding on the roof of a train, drinking harmful chemicals, and making yourself faint, and the list goes on.

These challenges spread quickly because kids want to fit in, get likes, or ‘go viral’ themselves.

Children may not always recognize the dangers of these challenges, since videos shared of successful attempts make it seem safe and harmless. When it can look like everyone else is doing, “then it can’t be that bad.” 

There can also be peer pressure involved, even if it’s just online. It can feel just as intense (or more so) as face-to-face pressure. 

The visibility of these challenges makes it harder for kids to resist, especially when it appears safe and popular, and that joining the challenges might bring likes and attention.

However, there might be risks or long-term consequences, and at times these challenges even cost children their lives.

Positive online communities and supportive friendships

However, there is another side to social media as well. It can also be a space forbuilding positive online communities. Children can find peers who share their interests, from gaming and coding to art, sports, or activism. 

These communities often provide encouragement, a feeling of belonging, and creativity that children might not experience offline.

Supportive online friendships can be especially valuable for children who feel isolated in their local environment. They can discover role models, mentors, and friends who lift them rather than tear them down.

Parenting tips for guiding kids toward healthier communities

Parents must take an active part in their children's online lives and stay curious about the communities they are part of. Not just from a safety perspective, but also from genuine interest and willingness to understand.

This is imperative to be able to discuss their teens' online communities and reflect on the content they are exposed to. This way, parents can see the online world from their child’s perspective too, which helps them have more meaningful, respectful conversations. 

Social life and FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)

Social media offers a wide variety of ways to interact, helping kids stay connected with their friends at any hour of the day. However, they also create new pressures and emotional challenges. One of the more significant ones is the fear of missing out, ‘FOMO’. 

This feeling arises when children see friends posting about activities, parties, or experiences they weren’t part of, leaving them with a sense of exclusion or inadequacy. 

People mostly share the best and most glamorous moments of their lives, such as vacations, having fun with friends, and visiting beautiful places. For children, this can make it seem like everyone else is having fun all the time, living better lives than they are, while they are missing out. 

Helping kids understand how social media shapes their friendships and perception, and how FOMO may impact their mental health, is essential. We can help them point out how social media posts are staged and do not provide an accurate image of someone's real life. 

Online friendships vs. offline relationships

Social media allows kids to chat with friends after school, share experiences in real-time, and maintain connections across distances. For shy or introverted children, online platforms may provide a safe space to connect and practice social skills.

This way of communicating and meeting people has made online friendships possible. 

However, while online friendships can be positive, they can’t replace offline relationships. 

Face-to-face interactions help children develop empathy, read body language, and build deeper bonds that digital communication alone can’t provide. Excessive reliance on online connections may lead to shallow interactions, where kids feel they have many “friends” but might only genuinely know a few of them.

Additionally, there is a safety risk involved in these kinds of interactions since you can’t be sure who is at the other end if you have never met them in person. Many scammers and predators operate this way when seeking out victims.

Families should establish rules for when a child is old enough to manage online communication with strangers, make agreements on how to stay safe, and when to let parents know about a new online connection. 

Parents should make it clear to their child never to meet up with anyone they have met online, and that they should always be involved in setting up a meeting.

Pressure from location tracking and constant updates

Some social media apps don’t just connect friends, but also track their location, constantly updating kids on what everyone is doing and where they are. Features like location tracking or Snapchat’s Snap Map allow children to see where their friends are at any given moment. 

This can easily fuel feelings of exclusion: “Why wasn’t I invited?” or “Why are they hanging out without me?”. Additionally, there can be safety risks involved in sharing children's locations.

The pressure of being “always on” also affects how kids present themselves. Many feel the need to constantly update their status, post pictures, or share stories just to prove they are active, having fun, and to be socially accepted. 

This cycle can become exhausting and stressful, leaving children anxious about how others perceive them.

Emotional toll of FOMO in kids and teens

FOMO can have a real emotional toll on children. Someone who frequently experiences FOMO may feel left out, lonely, or unworthy. Over time, these feelings can contribute to low self-esteem, anxiety, or even depression. 

It also, maybe more so, happens the other way around, that children experiencing loneliness, or suffering from depression, tend to spend more time on social media, adding to the feeling of missing out and being excluded. 

FOMO can also drive unhealthy behaviors. Some kids may stay up late scrolling because they don’t want to miss updates, which leads to sleep problems. Others might join in risky activities or spend money they don’t have just to “keep up” with peers.

Some teens might only engage in an activity for the photo opportunity it provides, creating a staged situation to make it look fun and perfect on social media, but forgetting to enjoy the moment. 

The intensity of these emotions is often magnified during adolescence, a period when belonging and peer approval are highly important.

Parenting strategies for balancing online and offline social lives

Parents can help children cope with the fear of missing out or the need to stage a fake reality by ensuring their most valuable moments and connections are not found online. We can help our kids experience that real life is lived offline, and important moments don’t have to be uploaded, shared, and receive likes to count. 

First of all, we do this by leading the way, by not counting likes in front of our children or focusing on instantly documenting fun times or cozy family events on social media, but instead just enjoying the moment. 

Then we can encourage our teens to do the same, for example, by supporting opportunities for face-to-face interactions, such as meeting up with friends in person and challenging them to put their phones away and not share on social media to focus on the moment instead. 

Let kids know it’s natural not to be included in everything or to feel like you are missing out when you see other people having fun. At the same time, encourage them to reflect on how someone's life can be very different from what it looks like on social media, and that not everything is as it is portrayed online. 

If posts on social media remind them that they are bored or lonely, help them deal with that feeling instead, and set up meetings or fun activities for the sake of having fun, not for creating perfect social media posts.

We can support our teens by asking deeper questions about how social media can make someone feel, inviting them to reflect on how someone's life can seem boring compared to what they see in their newsfeed. 

We can help them reflect on why a ‘like’ on social media might feel more important than having fun in real life, and how staged and edited moments can take the space of real, undocumented joy with no witnesses. 

How we portray ourselves and our lives on social media is rarely a true reflection, but a polished version of who we want to be, leaving out the bad mornings, rainy days, and family fights. 

What our teens often miss is that no matter how many ‘likes’ that polished version of us gets online, it will never make us feel good about the true version of ourselves that we are not showing in an edited social media feed.

Who we really are is the one we need to accept and love. Psychologists say that these actions create a gap between the real and the ideal identity. When that gap becomes too big, kids end up not feeling good enough just as they are. 

Practical strategies for balancing teens’ mental health and social media:

• Normalize feelings of exclusion, and help kids see that they are comparing themselves to a photoshopped or staged reality, not someone else's real life.

• Encourage offline friendships and fun in-person activities for the sake of fun and connection, not for a photo shoot.

• Be aware of how scrolling makes you feel, and put a time limit on mindless scrolling. 

• Teach mindful social media use, and only follow influencers who make you feel good about yourself. Unfollow anyone who doesn't. 

• Set healthy screen boundaries for screen use and photo-documentation. Agree on phone-free moments and areas in the home. 

• Reframe value and belonging. Emphasize qualities like kindness, creativity, and effort over popularity, appearance, and results. Help kids see their worth in their personality and efforts, beyond likes, follower counts, and a perfect image.

• Model balance yourself. Children learn from example. When they see parents spend time offline, prioritizing real-life relationships, not focusing on appearance or sharing everything on social media, and not keeping track of likes and comments, they are more likely to do the same.

 

Safety and privacy in the digital age

Social media opens doors to connection and creativity, but it also exposes kids to privacy challenges, data collection, and unwanted interactions. For parents, protecting children’s safety in the digital world means teaching them to value their privacy as much as they would in real life. Both children and adults might not fully understand or be aware of the risks they are exposed to online.

Access to personal information and risks for kids

Social media platforms collect massive amounts of data from their users. Every click, like, photo, or message leaves behind a trail of information. 

This raises serious concerns: personal details can be exposed, accounts can be hacked, and strangers may gain access to sensitive information. Every account is connected to several other accounts, which means that if an account is hacked, the list of contacts is also at risk. 

Public vs. private accounts: what parents should know

Most platforms allow users to choose between public and private accounts. A public account means anyone can view posts, comment, or follow. This increases exposure to strangers. 

Children are often unaware of how much they’re revealing. 

A simple selfie could show their school uniform, favorite hangout, or even their location in the background. Combined with usernames or public posts, this information can make kids vulnerable to scams, online grooming, or identity theft.

Parents should discuss with children the difference between public and private sharing. Even with a private account, kids need to understand that anything posted online can eventually be shared beyond their intended audience. The golden rule: If you wouldn’t want it shown to a teacher, future employer, or grandparent, don’t post it online.

A private account offers more control, but it isn’t a perfect shield. Friends of friends can still screenshot or share content, and kids may not always know who’s behind a “friend” request.

Additionally, if privacy settings for communication are not in place, any stranger can send messages. This might result in uncomfortable attention from harmful strangers for a young user. 

Children’s digital footprint and long-term consequences

What is a digital footprint? A digital footprint is the trail of information we leave behind online, including posts, comments, likes, as well as search history and shared photos. For kids, this footprint starts early and builds over time.

How does a digital footprint work? Every interaction on the internet is stored somewhere, even if it feels temporary. Deleted posts may survive in screenshots, backups, or archives. Platforms and advertisers also use this data to create profiles of users, predicting their preferences and behavior.

How to protect a digital footprint

To help children protect their digital footprint, we can teach them to think before they post, pause to consider if they’d be comfortable with that content being public forever. We can establish agreements with kids new to social media on what is okay to share or post, and discuss how we can help them verify posts.

Kids need our guidance in learning how to post wisely, positively, and respectfully, building a footprint that protects their privacy and reflects their values, rather than making impulsive choices.

However, parents must still make sure that strong privacy settings are in place and limit the information shared in bios, captions, and comments. A thoughtful digital footprint can work in a child’s favor later in life, but careless posting can have long-term consequences for both future opportunities and their safety.

Stranger danger in online interactions

Unlike playgrounds or schools, social media blurs the line between friends and strangers. Children may receive direct messages from people they don’t know, join group chats with unknown members, or feel pressured to accept friend requests to appear “popular.”

Some strangers may hide behind fake profiles posing as kids to build trust. This is a tactic often used by scammers and predators when grooming their victims. Even seemingly harmless interactions, like chatting with “new friends” in gaming communities, can carry risks.

Parents should help kids recognize red flags, such as:

• Strangers asking for personal details (address, phone number, school)
• Being pressured to move conversations to private apps.
• Requests for photos or secrecy, and a change of tone or increased pressure if they hesitate to follow requests.
• Any new online friend being overly nice and friendly. Grooming starts with the scammer or predator focusing on gaining the victim's trust and friendship. 

Parents should also assess when their kids are old enough to handle online interactions with strangers in chat forums and gaming, and set some clear rules around how these interactions should take place.

It is crucial to teach kids that they have the right to say no, block, and report unwanted interactions, and that including parents in any new online friendship is critical for online safety.

No effective age limits or verification: why parents need to step in

Most social media platforms have a minimum age of 13, but these limits are rarely enforced. However, it is often not recommended that children use social media until they are at least 15 or 16 years old. Even when platforms request a birthdate, there’s no effective way to verify age, meaning young children can easily access spaces designed for teens or adults.

Many kids create accounts earlier than that, even with parents’ acceptance, but often with minimal oversight. Because the regulation of content and age limit is weak, parents must be involved.

When allowing our kids to explore social media, it is a good idea to create a culture at home where they regularly and openly share their online experiences. Especially young children should agree to a level of transparency and guidance when using these apps.

Eventually, they will encounter harmful content or connections, and then we want to be there to spot it to offer support and protection. 

It can be challenging for many parents to deny their kids access to social media if all their friends already have an account, and as a result, they are missing out on events and friendships.

The best way to prevent this is by acting before, and agreeing with the other parents in the class or friend group to delay access to social media to a reasonable age.

Parenting tips for setting strong privacy boundaries and managing social media access:

• Talk early and often: Start conversations about privacy as soon as your child goes online, or even before. Keep the tone calm and curious rather than fearful.

• Set account rules: Decide together when accounts can be created, whether they should be private, and what information can be shared. Delay social media access as long as possible, preferably by getting other parents on board.

• Use parental controls wisely: Adjust filters and privacy tools, but don’t rely on them completely. Agree on rules and habits as well, and make sure to stay engaged and up to date with their online activities, and teach them what to look out for.

• Check in on friend lists: Encourage kids to only connect with people they know in real life, and review friend lists together regularly.

• Monitor content: Together, you can check the channels or accounts they follow to discuss if the content is appropriate and healthy to follow.

• Model good habits: Be mindful of how you communicate, share family photos, or tag locations. Children notice how parents handle privacy and follow their example.

• Offer support: Remind kids that mistakes happen and they will never be in trouble for sharing any mistakes or harmful experiences. Focus on what can be learned and how to avoid it happening again. 

Helping kids navigate social media and algorithms wisely

If your child is using social media for entertainment or staying in touch with friends, you probably worry about what they experience there and how it might affect them. It can be difficult to know how parents can actually help teens navigate social media, especially when they are unfamiliar with the apps their child is using.

What do you look out for, and how do you prepare them or help them when you hardly know yourself? This can feel overwhelming for parents. The good news is that there are concrete steps you can take to guide your child toward safe, balanced, and meaningful digital habits, helping to navigate social media.

Open communication: talking to kids about their online lives

The most powerful tool you have as a parent is open dialogue and a close relationship. Kids often don’t tell adults about their online struggles, whether it’s seeing upsetting content, being excluded, or feeling pressured by influencers. As a matter of fact, about 80% of teens don’t tell their parents when they experience something uncomfortable online.

Usually, because they fear judgment or punishment, or simply that their parents won't understand. This is why we must learn about their online world and create a safe space for open conversations. 

This means parents can help by:

• Learning about their children’s social media apps. What are they about, and what do they like about them?

• Asking with curiosity, not criticism. Instead of “Why are you wasting time on that influencer?” try “What do you like about their videos?”. Try to watch a few videos yourself to be better equipped to have a conversation about it.

• Normalizing mistakes. Let your child know it’s okay to encounter problems online, and that you’ll help them work through it without overreacting.

• Checking in regularly. Short, everyday chats, such as “What was the funniest thing you saw today?” or “How is it going in the group chat?” often open the door to bigger conversations. When kids feel heard, they’re more likely to share their digital experiences, both good and bad.

• Using Raising Digital Citizens’ conversation starters. These conversation cards help you ask about all the essential topics in just the right way, making a meaningful and educational conversation flow easily, in a way that your child will love. 

 

Tools and apps for monitoring and managing screen time

Turning off the phone and getting off the apps is difficult because it is meant to be difficult. If your child struggles to put the phone down and stop scrolling, it is no wonder - and to be fair, must adults find it hard too.

Sometimes it can be a good idea to use apps to help manage screen time. Many devices and platforms include built-in features for monitoring use:

• Screen time apps: Apple’s Screen Time, Google’s Family Link, or third-party apps like Qustodio let you set daily limits and view activity.

• Parental controls: YouTube Kids, TikTok Family Pairing, and Instagram parental tools help manage what kids can watch, who they can interact with, and how long they spend on the app. Just remember that parental control and privacy settings are not bulletproof, since the platforms can’t monitor everything that is uploaded in a timely manner. 

• Do Not Disturb & downtime settings: Encourage kids to schedule breaks from notifications, especially around homework, meals, and bedtime. Take necessary steps to avoid the attention-grabbing and retention features when possible. 
• Make agreements: Have discussions around what meaningful agreements you can create around app and screen use. Creating a Raising Digital Citizens Agreement is an excellent way to do this. The process of discussing the agreement can be a way to connect with family values, and the agreement itself can be seen as a reminder of the new habits you want to work on. Remember, new habits take time and practice, and support and encouragement are necessary when the process becomes difficult.